Hi. We’re Back. Sorry About The Killer Robots Following Us
While discussing Battlestar Galactica, my wife made a good point. There has been no discussion among the Colonial Fleet, at least that we have seen, about how to handle any possible diplomatic approach to the people of Earth. I agreed, and share with her my imagining of how the conversation would go if the Colonial Fleet reached real-life, current day, Earth:
President Roslin: On behalf of the people of the 12 Colonies, and the Colonial Fleet, I proudly introduce to the people of Earth, your long lost family. Welcome back to the rest of humanity.
EarthReps: Come again?
Roslin: We’re the 12 colonies. When your ancestors left Kobol, you left behind a civilization that formed 12 colonies that have bonded together…
EarthReps: (turning to Admiral Adama) You came from outer space? On these ships? From another galaxy?
Admiral Adama: That is correct. I command a fleet of…
EarthReps: Cool. Can we get some? What else you got. You’re way ahead of us in science. This could be great. Which one of you knows about that? What other big things have you discovered?
Baltar: Yes, well, that, um, would be my particular field of expertise. I would have to say, apart from my contributions, of course, that perhaps one of our biggest accomplishments was the development of artificial intelligence.
EarthReps: Wow. We’re still debating whether that’s possible. What did you do with it?
Colonial Reps: [pause]
EarthReps: Yes?
Baltar: We developed a race, so to speak, of intelligent robots.
Tom Zarek: [interjecting] but we don’t use them anymore. It, well, it just didn’t work out.
EarthReps: (to Baltar) And this was a success?
[Lee Adama steps forward]
L. Adama: Oh, give it up, everyone. They deserve to know. The robots rebelled, started a war, played us for a false truce for 40 years, then killed every human being on 12 planets except for us. We’re it. We ran away.
EarthReps: So you’re refugees? We can deal with that. Where are the robots now?
Lee: They’ll be here in 33 minutes.EarthReps: I think you’re looking for another earth. Bye.
